


The Truth Comes Out

by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Major Character Injury, Maybe - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, happy ending i swear, lots of sadness, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7106905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon/pseuds/Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What if he finds out the truth?”</p>
<p>Oikawa goes silent, gnawing on his bottom lip again.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Day Before

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to both Rose and Moch for reading over this and either giving me suggestions or editing it ;w; it means a lot 
> 
> Also, I feel as if I should apologize in advance. Like,...get ready for a wild ride. (@ the sock squad and the other's I screamed to about this, you all know what happens, but I'm still sorry)
> 
> Also, I have this whole thing planned out..and I am pretty sure it's over five chapters, maybe no more than eight? Maybe? We'll see. I hope you like it ;w;

Matsukawa stands beside Oikawa, watching as Hanamaki laughs, smile warm as his eyes soften. The sun hits his pink hair perfectly, the light brightening his smile. He leans closer to Iwaizumi, their shoulders touching as Hanamaki reaches out, lacing their fingers together. Iwaizumi smiles, though from where Matsukawa is standing, he can tell that the smile is a bit strained. 

 

But he doesn’t dwell on it. Instead, he glances to the male next to him. Oikawa stands, staring off into space, nervously nibbling on his bottom lip. He takes a shaky breath, eyes closing as he squares his shoulders. It’s interesting, watching as Oikawa puffs his chest out, opening his eyes and plastering on a smile so bright it’s obvious it’s fake. He then turns to Matsukawa with a chuckle, dramatically placing a hand to his cheek. 

 

“Oh, Mattsun, if you keep staring, I’ll get flustered!” 

 

With a roll of his eyes, Matsukawa reaches out to pinch the cheek that he didn’t have a hand to. Oikawa squeaks in surprise, gently trying to yank his head back. “Let go! Let go!  _ Let go! _ ” he whines, long fingers wrapping around Mattsun’s wrist to try and pull his hand away.

 

With a small laugh, Matsukawa releases Oikawa’s cheek, tugging his arm out of Oikawa’s grip. He stops walking, stopping in front of some small book store. “So,” he says once he returns to watching Iwaizumi and Hanamaki, “tomorrow’s the big day.”

 

Glancing at Oikawa from the corner of his eye, he watches as Oikawa stiffens up, stopping a couple steps ahead of Matsukawa, eyes narrowing. He stubbornly turns his face away, biting the inside of his cheek, trying to calm his beating heart. 

 

“I know it’s tomorrow,” Oikawa whispers, clearing his throat. He swiftly turns his head back to Matsukawa, flashing him a wide, innocent smile, “I’m happy for them.”

 

Sighing, Matsukawa watches as Hanamaki leans over to whisper something in Iwaizumi’s ear. Iwaizumi’s neck turns red, and he places a hand over Hanamaki’s face, pushing him away in embarrassment. This only causes Makki to laugh, pure happiness swirling in his eyes. 

 

“Hey, we’re going to go check up on the desserts! Since that’s the most important part,” Hanamaki calls out to them, smile still stained to his face as he looks back at Oikawa and Matsukawa. 

 

“Alright, have fun! Make sure there’s enough milk bread,” Oikawa calls back, lifting his hand into a wave. Matsukawa watches as Iwaizumi’s face softens as he gazes at Oikawa, rolling his eyes fondly. 

 

Matsukawa feels anger spread like a wild fire in his veins. 

 

“There’s never enough milk bread for you,” Iwaizumi teases, the corner of his lips tugging into a small smile. Oikawa gasps dramatically, placing a hand to his heart as he tries to come up with a response. But, well, what could he say? Iwaizumi wasn’t wrong. 

 

“Alright, goodbye!” Hanamaki says, grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand and dragging him away towards the bakery the next street over. 

 

When they disappear from eyesight, Matsukawa shifts his stance to face Oikawa with narrowed eyes. “I think you need to tell Iwaizumi before this blows up in everyone’s faces.”

 

Oikawa feigns innocence, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips, “Hm? What do you mean, Mattsun?”

 

“It’s fucking obvious that you’re in love with Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa accuses. Oikawa sputters in surprise, cheeks flaming a light pink. “And it’s obvious that Iwaizumi is in love with you.”

 

Oikawa pulls his face into a frown, glaring at Matsukawa with venom. “He doesn’t love me, you idiot. He’s marrying Makki.”

 

“You’re fucking stupid,” Matsukawa snaps. 

 

“Huh-?”

 

“You can’t do this, Oikawa.”

 

“I can’t do this to Makki, either! He’s...he’s  _ happy _ , and I  _ refuse _ to be the reason for why he’s not!” Oikawa hisses, throwing his hands in the air as he begins to quickly walk away. 

 

“Then Iwaizumi shouldn’t do this to Hana either!” Matsukawa snaps, anger swirling like a storm in his eyes. He reaches out, grabbing Oikawa’s arm to stop him. Ignoring Oikawa’s confused gaze, he continues, “Iwaizumi doesn’t love Makki as much as he shows. He loves you, you’re his number one- but, just,  _ god damn  _ is he dense. He couldn’t see that you love him as well. So what did he do? He saw Hanamaki, who was deeply in love with him, and thought  _ ‘oh, hey, there’s someone. Maybe I can forget Oikawa by dating this dude’  _ and yeah, maybe he really did develop feelings for Hana, but the fact of the matter is that Hana is nothing but a second choice to Iwaizumi. A distraction from his real feelings. If you tell him you love him, he’ll drop everything and be with you because you’ll always be his first choice, his  _ everything _ , and, just, fuck. Makki doesn’t deserve this, Oikawa.” He takes a deep breath as he finishes, gritting his teeth as he lets his arm fall to his side.

 

Oikawa’s jaw drops as his eyes grow wide. He feels his heart drop to his feet, and it’s as if the clouds part in his mind- because now it really does make sense. They’re both dense as fuck. All the not-so-subtle glances, the innocent touches, still sharing a bed when they sleep over at each other’s houses. 

 

“I...” Oikawa gulps, looking up at Matsukawa with eyes full of unshed tears, “I don’t want to make Makki unhappy.”

 

“What if he finds out the truth?”

 

Oikawa goes silent, gnawing on his bottom lip again. 

 

“I don’t know.” 

 

* * *

 

Matsukawa studies Hanamaki, watching as he dances around the room in only his boxers, singing into his empty beer bottle. He tap dances over to Matsukawa, sliding to the ground until he’s on his knees, hands flat against Matsukawa’s thighs as he gazes up at his friend. 

 

“You okay there?” Matsukawa asks, raising an eyebrow, holding back a chuckle. 

 

“’m GREAT!” he slurs, a disoriented laugh bubbling out his lips. “I...wanted ’o sayyy thank youuuu, Mattsunnn!” He smiles happily, the smile so big his eyes crinkle in the corners. 

 

Matsukawa has to take a deep breath to calm his beating heart. 

 

“Thank you? Makki, of course I’d spend the night before your wedding with you, you’re my best friend. It’s only natural.”

 

“Nooo, thank you!” He gently smacks his palm against Mattsun’s thigh, as if that would get the point across. 

 

“Okay, why are you saying thank you?” Matsukawa asks, taking a small sip from his beer. Hanamaki perks up, grinning lazily up at his best friend. 

 

“Thank you, Matsukawa Issei, for b’ing my bessst man and beest friend, and fo’ always bein’ there for meee,” Hanamaki’s words string together from slurring so much, but Matsukawa easily understands what he’s trying to say. 

 

Matsukawa smiles tightly, gently patting Hanamaki’s head, “Anytime. Now let’s get you to bed, alright? You don’t want a headache at your wedding tomorrow.” 

 

Hanamaki hums, resting his head on Matsukawa’s thigh as he closes his eyes. 

 

“Wait, don’t sleep there-”

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, leaning over to flick Oikawa’s forehead. They’re in Oikawa’s apartment, since Hanamaki and Matsukawa are staying at the apartment Iwaizumi and Hanamaki shared. 

 

Oikawa squawks in surprise, jerking back to glare at his friend, “What was that for?!”

 

With a chuckle, Iwaizumi sinks back into the couch, giving his friend a lazy smile, “You were zoning out.”

 

“I’m just tired, Iwa-chan! It’s really lat-”

 

“It’s just 10 pm.”

 

“Yes, but your wedding is at two-”

 

“That’s more than twelve hours away. Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Oikawa frowns, tilting his head to study Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi looks honestly concerned, and Oikawa shouldn’t be surprised. They’re best friends, have been since they were kids. Iwaizumi could read Oikawa like the back of his hand, and Oikawa has all of Iwaizumi’s quirks and interests memorized. They complement each other so well, so perfectly, it’s funny that they both were too stupid- too  _ dense _ \- to see the truth; to see the feelings locked behind closed doors. 

 

Scowling, Oikawa jerkily looks away to gaze out the window. Hanamaki, he has to remind himself, is one of his best friends. He would never  _ ever  _ want to be the cause of one of his friend’s sadness. But then, what if Hanamaki  _ does  _ find out? Would that hurt more?  _ No _ , Oikawa decides, he won’t tell Iwaizumi. Even if it’s fake, Iwaizumi was the one who asked Hanamaki to marry him. He was the one to go to drastic measures just to try and get rid of his feelings. 

 

If Hanamaki finds out later on, if Iwaizumi confesses the truth, then it won’t be Oikawa’s fault. It’ll be Iwaizumi’s for going so far, for leading him on-... That is, if Iwaizumi actually fucks up and lets the truth slip like honey through his lips. 

 

There was nothing to worry about, at least, not right now. 

 

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi grunts, pulling him back to reality. Slowly turning his head back to Iwaizumi, he raises in eyebrow in question. “What’s going on in your head?”

 

Taking a deep breath, Oikawa lifts his shoulders into a small shrug, “I’m happy for you and Hana, but I’m going to miss hanging out with my best friend.” Not really a lie. Sure, that’s not what he was thinking about, but it really is something he has been worrying about. 

 

Iwaizumi outright scoffs, sitting up straight, “You’ve always been an idiot.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Like me getting married could keep me away from my best friend, you doofus,” Iwaizumi smiles fondly, leaning over the armrest of the couch to punch Oikawa’s shoulder. 

 

Oikawa chuckles, smiling softly, “Good, because you won’t ever be able to get rid of me.”

 

Iwaizumi barks out a loud laugh, turning his face away to laugh into his hand. “Like it would ever want to get rid of you, Tooru.” 

  
Oikawa has to force the blush off his face. 


	2. A Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I got this out on time :D I want to say in advance; I'm sorry.

Hanamaki grins, glancing in the mirror one last time before turning to Matsukawa. When he had first opened his eyes that morning, his head felt as if it was splitting open. Luckily, though, Mattsun was a kind soul who placed water and medicine by his bed. That was at ten in the morning, now it is 1:30 and he’s getting married in thirty minutes. 

 

“So, my best man and friend who  _ memes  _ the most to me, how do I look? Be nice,” Hanamaki says, placing his hands on his hips. 

 

With a slight roll of his eyes, Matsukawa nods his head, “You look fine. Now come on, we’ll be late. Or, if you want, we’ll stay behind and be late so that Iwaizumi kills us both. Dying right before you get married sounds fun, right?”

 

Hanamaki only laughs at that. Matsukawa has to look away, because today, Makki is shining. His smile is bigger, brighter, bolder. His eyes twinkle with happiness, and his every movement screams that he’s in a good mood. 

 

And it hurts because Matsukawa  _ knows.  _ He should probably say something, warn his  _ best friend  _ that the man he’s about to marry isn’t as committed as he thinks. 

 

But. He can’t. Every time he thinks of saying something, it’s as if his throat dries out, his voice shrinking away. It’s not even his place to say anything. Oikawa obviously won’t say anything, so why should he? Iwaizumi seems as if he’s going to put an effort into loving Hanamaki, but...is it all just a lie? Is Iwaizumi really just doing this because he wants to force his feelings for Oikawa away? What happens if this plan doesn’t work?

 

Hanamaki will be the one hurt. And that isn’t fair to him. 

 

“Matttttssssuuuuunnnn!” Hanamaki is right in front of him, face a mere inch from Matsukawa’s. Jerking back in surprise, Matsukawa lifts an eyebrow in question. 

 

“Come on!” Hanamaki sighs, tugging on his sleeve. “You spaced out. Now we’re down to 25 minutes,” he warns, dragging Matsukawa towards the door. 

 

Matsukawa lets his best friend drag him away, a frown filtering across his face. In a different time, a different place, a different universe-

 

Maybe him and Iwaizumi could trade places.

 

* * *

 

Oikawa stares off into the distance with a look of pure pain, gaze shifting as he glances at Iwaizumi looking himself over in the mirror. As Iwaizumi turns around, he instantly places a smile upon his face. “So,” Oikawa chokes out, “you excited?”

 

Iwaizumi laughs, but even Oikawa can tell it’s a bit strained. But, of course, he passes it off as Iwaizumi being nervous. 

 

“Yeah, well I mean, this doesn’t happen every day. So I am a bit excited, but I’m also nervous,” he mumbles, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. Oikawa smiles faintly, walking up to him. He gently places his hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, rolling his eyes fondly. 

 

“Makki is a wonderful man, so you should feel happy.”

 

Iwaizumi smiles tightly, lifting his shoulders into a shrug, “I am happy.” 

 

They both know it’s a lie. 

 

* * *

 

 

The wedding itself went by smoothly. Iwaizumi choked out his vows, Hanamaki was beaming the whole time, and Matsukawa kept shooting Oikawa questioning looks. 

 

“You’re stiff,” Hanamaki mumbles, hands resting on Iwaizumi’s shoulders. The shorter man rolls his eyes, huffing in annoyance.

 

“I hate dancing in front of people, you know this.”

 

“Ah, I do. But your mom really wanted to get a picture of you dancing.”

 

Iwaizumi scowls, awkwardly moving his feet. He’s an awful dancer, really, and following Hanamaki (who is, surprisingly, a good dancer), is proving very difficult. He’s secretly murdering his mother multiple times for forcing him to do this. 

 

The last part of the song finally rolls about, pulling out a sigh of relief from Iwaizumi. He instantly pulls away from Hanamaki, quickly walking to the sidelines. Hanamaki only laughs, moving to walk over to Matsukawa. 

 

* * *

 

“Congratulations!” Yahaba slurs out, one arm wrapped around Kyoutani’s shoulders, the other arm wrapped around Watari’s. “H-Here’s...to being the happiest people…!” He throws his hand in the air, the glass he was currently holding sliding out of his grip. Kyoutani quickly reaches out, catching it. 

 

“Sorry, he’s a bit giddy,” Watari explains, glancing at Yahaba with a fond look in his gaze. 

 

“I can tell,” Hanamaki chuckles, watching with amusement as Yahaba leans his head to the side, placing an over exaggerated kiss to Kyoutani’s cheek, and immediately afterwards turning his head to do the same to Watari.   

 

“Anyways, we should drag his drunk ass back home,” Watari says, dipping his head into a small nod, “we just wanted to congratulate you two.”

 

Hanamaki smiles, warmth spreading through his chest. “Thank you Watari,” he says sincerely, turning to Kyoutani, “thank you, Kyoutani, and Yahaba,” he finishes, nodding his head to the drunken teen. Yahaba garbles some nonsense about happy ever afters, making Hanamaki laugh until Watari and Kyoutani drag him away. 

 

After they disappear, Hanamaki worms his way through the crowd, stopping to chat with both Kunimi and Kindaichi for a moment. He then excuses himself, walking around as if he’s in some maze trying to find the exit- and well, the exit being wherever Iwaizumi is. 

 

He finally finds him at the bar, about eight different empty glasses sitting beside him, already working on his next one. Plucking the glass out of his husband’s hands, his slides into the spot next to Iwaizumi. “Better slow down there, you don’t want to get alcohol poisoning.” 

 

Iwaizumi grumbles under his breath, reaching out for his stolen glass. Being drunk off his ass causes him to almost go toppling off his seat. A surprised laugh escapes his lips as he rights himself, gazing out at the dance floor. 

 

“You don’t seem to be enjoying your night,” Hanamaki states, tilting his head to the side. “I was expecting to find you talking to your family or Oikawa, maybe even Matsukawa. Not drowning yourself in-” he freezes to glance at the empty glasses, “-in cheap as fuck beer. So, Hajime, what’s on your mind?”

 

“I made a mistake,” is his immediate response. 

 

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Hanamaki narrows his eyes. “Well, yeah. I mean, you don’t drink eight glasses of beer and not think of it as a mistake.” 

 

“Isn’t Oikawa beautiful?”

 

Hanamaki blinks at the sudden topic change. “Um, yeah? He has his own fan club, it’s kind of a known fact that Oikawa is hot as hell. His personality, though, that’s a  _ whole different story-”  _

 

“I like Oikawa,” Iwaizumi states, a smile filtering across his face.

 

“He is, like, your best friend. Are you just now figuring out that you like him?”

 

“I think I love him,” Iwaizumi hums, eyes still glued to Oikawa. 

 

“You guys have been friend’s for over a decade, that’s only natu-”

 

“I regret it.”

 

Hanamaki frowns, not really knowing where this conversation is going. “Regret? Regret what?”   
  


“I should’ve never married ‘Hiro. I don’t love him. What was I thinking? I love Oik- I love  _ Tooru.  _ I should marry Tooru!”

 

Hanamaki freezes, eyes growing wide. He slowly straightens up in his seat, his heart skipping a beat. He laughs nervously, placing his hands on his thighs, fingers digging into the material of his pants. When he first started dating Iwaizumi, he was filled with doubts. He had a suspicion that Iwaizumi was in love with Oikawa, and when he asked Iwaizumi about it, and even told him that he would understand-

 

Iwaizumi fucking told him,  _ to his face, _ that he loved him and not Oikawa. 

 

“What are you talking about, Hajime?” he asks in a whisper, anxiously playing with the ring on his finger- the one Iwaizumi gave him, the one Iwaizumi slipped onto his finger just a couple hours ago-

 

“I don’t love Takahiro. I feel bad for leading him on, but,  _ fuck _ , ya’know? I had to try and get over Oikawa. It’s just. Not working,” Iwaizumi explains, his words slurring together as he faces Hanamaki with a smile. His eyes then grow wide, and he quickly leans forward, placing both hands over Hanamaki’s mouth. He looks back and forth a couple times before staring Hanamaki right in eye. “Hey, ‘Hiro? Don’t tell Taka I said that! Okay? Promise me! I don’t want to hurt him.”

 

Hanamaki feels tears prick at the edge of his eyes, and he quickly swallows the lump in his throat. “Y-yeah, I promise.” 

 

Iwaizumi smiles that smile that has him closing his eyes, a look of pure gratefulness plastered to his face. “Thank you, ‘Hiro!” He then turns back to where Oikawa is standing, eyes softening. 

 

Hanamaki stands up, trying to still the rapid beating of his heart. He stumbles through the crowds of people, the sound of the music pounding in his ears, the sound of people and the music over taking all his hearing. He sees nothing but his end goal- the garden out back-

 

He stumbles away from the crowd, coming to a stop in front of the small pond a good distance away.

  
There, where no eyes can pry, Hanamaki breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I sneak in some Seijou 2nd years polyship?? Yes I did. 
> 
> Tumblr: Pigeon-Religeon


	3. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of short and I feel really bad about that but I wasn't sure how to stretch it out and make it longer without taking stuff from the next chapter and stuff ;-; so yeah I hope you can forgive me

Like a sudden storm at sea, tears roll down Hanamki’s cheeks. Placing the back of his hand to his mouth, he tries desperately to stifle his sobs. The sobs that he fails to stop shake his body like thunder violently shaking a house. 

 

He finds himself on the ground, knees pulled to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He buries his face into his knees, all his attempts to stop crying failing. 

 

Never before has he felt so hopeless. 

 

Why would Iwaizumi do something like this? It really isn’t like him at all. And Oikawa...Oikawa likes him back, doesn’t he? God, it was so fucking  _ obvious  _ and he was just too stupid and blind to see it. What would happen now, though? Obviously he can’t stay with Iwaizumi. 

 

He anxiously twists the ring on his finger. It’s like a knife stabbing him right in the chest, twisting and digging the blade deeper until he feels nothing but pain. Without much thought, he slips the ring off and places it in his pocket. 

 

He doesn’t need it anymore, anyways. And fuck, it hasn’t even been a  _ day- _

 

“Makki?” a voice calls out, cutting off his thoughts. He instantly stiffens up, shrinking in on himself as if that would help to hide him from the world. The person- whoever it is- doesn’t take his silence as a plea to be alone. Hanamaki feels someone plop down beside him, their shoulders knocking together. 

 

A warm arm snakes around his shoulders, pulling him into a sturdy chest. “What’s up?” the person asks. Hanamaki finally glances up, surprised to find that he isn’t crying anymore. His gaze lands on a familiar face; eyebrows a tad too big, slightly curly black hair, normally deadpan expression morphed into an expression of worry. 

 

“Matsukawa,” he murmurs in surprise, voice hoarse from sobbing a moment ago. 

 

Matsukawa hums, tilting his head to rest it on top of Hanamaki’s. They sit in silence, Matsukawa giving his friend time to calm down completely. But after a few minutes, he decides to speak up once again. 

 

“So, what's wrong? Why’re you out here crying? You shouldn’t be out here sobbing your eyes out.” 

 

Hanamaki stiffens, and he knows Matsukawa feels him tense up. 

 

“Well?” Matsukawa presses. Hanamaki sighs, shrugging away from him and standing up quickly. 

 

“Nothing,” he insists.

 

“Makki, don’t lie to me,” Mattsun warns, eyes narrowing. 

 

Without a word, Hanamaki looks away from the small pond, nervously looking at anything but Matsukawa. Should he even tell Matsukawa? Would Iwaizumi even remember what he did in the morning? Should he pretend nothing ever happened? 

 

Shaking his head, he stuffs his hands in to his pockets, gazing into the pond. As he tries desperately to ignore Matsukawa burning holes into his head, he watches a small fish scurry away in fright from a bigger fish. He can’t help but laugh bitterly. In a way, he could say he’s the small fish, running away from the big fish- the truth. 

 

Frowning, Hanamaki gently kicks a small rock, watching it roll into the water. He...shouldn’t run away. Shouldn’t pretend. 

 

Shifting his posture slightly to look back at Matsukawa, he flashes his friend a very tight and bitter smile. 

 

“Why did I even get married?” he asks. 

 

Matsukawa raises a questioning eyebrow, crossing his arms as he waits for Makki to elaborate. When he doesn’t, Matsukawa sighs heavily. 

 

“And why are you asking this?” 

 

Hanamaki laughs, shaking his head as tears threaten to fall once again. 

 

“Why did I ever get married to a man who doesn’t love me? Why did I ever get married to a man who  _ lied  _ about loving me? Why did I ever get married to a man who just used me as a replacement?” Hanamaki whispers, voice breaking as the words float on the wind. 

 

Matsukawa opens his mouth, only to close it a moment later. What could he say? It wasn’t a surprise to him. He already knows. His once worried expression shifts to one full of guilt, and he tries to go back to his usual deadpan look, only it’s too late-

 

“Oh my god,” Hanamaki says, taking a step back. “You knew, didn’t you?” another bitter laugh escapes his lips. “You  _ knew  _ and you didn’t say  _ anything?!  _ You let me marry someone who is lying and  _ faking  _ his feelings for me.” 

 

Matsukawa gulps, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. He can’t defend himself because what can he really say right now? He knew the truth would hurt Makki, but he also knew that not telling his best friend the truth would hurt him even more. Yet he didn’t say anything. But he isn’t in the wrong, right? It wasn’t his place to say anything, right? But...maybe...he should’ve actually spilled the beans. Hanamaki is his best friend-

 

“Makki, you need to underst-” he tries, only for Hanamaki to shut him up with a hard look.  

 

“You’re supposed to be my friend- my  _ best  _ friend,” Hanamaki hisses, taking a huge step back. 

 

“Wait, Makki, just hear me out-”

 

“No.”

 

Matsukawa sucks in a startled breath, anxiously biting the inside of his cheek. He should probably say something, right? Before this gets even worse? He should probably tell Hanamaki he didn’t  _ necessarily  _ do anything wrong, right? ...Should he apologize? 

 

Pulling himself back to reality, he opens his mouth to stutter out some sort of explanation. To maybe apologize for not saying anything, for not warning him, for letting him go through with this. But he must’ve taken way too long to collect himself because the next thing he knows- 

  
Hanamaki is already walking away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor Makki


	4. Days After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of low-key happy with how this chapter came out? Ik it's not that good but idk I like it. 
> 
> I'm trying to not make Iwa and Oiks bad guys here, but from Makki's perspective it's only normal that they're the bad guys??
> 
> Also yes Makki's family isn't very great or supportive whoops.

Hanamaki didn’t sleep at all. He came back to their shared apartment-- the one they were going to move out of, so they could move in  _ together  _ into a  _ real  _ house. But no, he locked the door, made sure all the windows were closed, even went to extreme measures and moved the couch in front of the door. 

 

Then he sat on said couch, staring at the wall with a blank look. He half expected Iwaizumi to stumble home, but…

 

No one even tried to get in. Which meant Iwaizumi went home with someone else. 

 

He sat there for hours on end, waiting. His phone sat next to him, but no messages popped up on his screen. He waited until the sun decided to peek in through his window, lighting up the room. 

 

He wished that the sun had stayed away. Because all he saw were the photos of him and Iwaizumi,of their friends, on the walls. Iwaizumi’s favorite coffee mug on the counter. The blanket Iwaizumi gave him on the floor, collecting dust. Everything screamed at him and it was too much and he couldn’t handle it- 

 

And that’s when he pushed the couch back to it’s spot, slipped on his shoes, and left the apartment. He checked his phone, his social media, everything. But there was nothing. 

 

This is how he finds himself in front of Oikawa’s own apartment at the early hour of seven. He can’t think of any other place. So he knocks once, twice, three times, until he’s about to knock the door down. 

 

After five minutes of standing there, the door flies open to reveal Iwaizumi- wearing nothing but boxers. He blinks in surprise, then confusion, before he looks around. 

 

“Takahiro? What are you doing out th- wait, this is Oikawa’s apartment. What…?”

 

Hanamaki feels bad for about five seconds. “Don’t call me by my first name, I don’t think you have the right to,” he snaps. 

 

Iwaizumi startles, taking a sudden step back. “Huh? Tak- Hanamaki, are you okay? Do you remember what happened last night?”

 

Hanamaki scowls, reaching into his pocket. He opens his mouth to speak, to explain what he had done, but a voice from inside cuts him off. 

 

“ _ Who  _ is at my do- Iwa-chan? Makki? What are you guys doing here? Ah, Iwa-chan! Why are practically naked?!” Oikawa squeaks, throwing his hands over his eyes. 

 

Hanamaki laughs, and it sounds so bitter and fake that it causes both of them to look at him in concern. When he takes a closer look, he can see the hickies on both their bodies. The scratches on Iwaizumi. It’s so _so obvious_ what they did and they’re both too hungover to realize it. 

 

“You know, Iwaizumi-san,” Oikawa makes a noise of surprise as Hanamaki uses the last name, “you really shouldn’t lead someone on, ya’know? You really shouldn’t marry someone you don’t love,” he pauses to take the ring out of his pocket. He then grabs Iwaizumi’s wrist, pulling his arm towards his body, turning the arm so his palm is facing upwards. “And you really shouldn’t have sex with someone that isn’t your so-called ‘husband’ the night of your wedding.” he finishes, placing the ring in Iwaizumi’s palm. 

 

Both Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s jaws drop, and Iwaizumi whirls around to stare at Oikawa before looking back at Hanamaki, pure shock on his face. 

 

“I don’t- how did you- ‘Hiro-”

 

“You got drunk last night, really drunk. I suggest you don’t do that anymore,” Hanamaki smiles bitterly, taking a step back. “When you feel like, I don’t know, apologizing, or whatever. You have my number. Also, I’ll send the divorce papers to you when I get them.”

 

“Wait, can we talk about this-”

 

“I think you should talk to the person you had sex with last night first.” Hanamaki's bitter smile grows, bowing half-heartedly before turning away, leaving a shell shocked Oikawa and Iwaizumi. 

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t hear from anyone for two whole days. He sits in his apartment, emails his lawyer,barely sleeps, forgets to eat.  He refuses to go back to Oikawa’s apartment, though. He knows Iwaizumi is still there because Oikawa posted on his instagram, showing a selfie of the two of them.

 

They have the fucking guts to act like they did _nothing_ wrong. To just _go on_ with their lives. 

 

On the second day, when his phone lights up with a text, he expects anyone but his mother. But all she says is that she’s sorry it didn’t work out. He’s not sure how she figured out, but he half expects it to be Iwaizumi who told his mother, who in turn told his own.

 

She even has the guts to say she always knew Iwaizumi had eyes for someone else. Did  _ no one  _ think of telling him?

 

Running a tired hand down his face, Hanamaki drags himself to the restroom. He hasn’t taken a shower in three days, hasn’t eaten in two, has only gotten about seven hours of sleep these last three days-

 

His life is a real mess now. 

 

* * *

 

The sixth day, he gets a text from Matsukawa. But it’s from their group chat that he had forgotten all about. And when he goes to actually look, he realizes they’ve been talking for about an hour now. They seem to have forgotten that he is in this conversation. 

 

**[Iwaizumi]: Ik we fucked up and stuff, but at least we’re happy now?**

 

**[Matsukawa]: I think that’s kind of shitty to say, Iwaizumi. Are you saying Makki never made you happy?**

 

**[Iwaizumi]: That’s not it, he did! He’s a very good friend of mine**

 

**[Matsukawa]: then??? Why has nobody heard for him in days?? Look, I’m glad you and Oikawa are happy, you two are my friends, but Makki is- was? I’m not sure anymore..anyways, I care for him, and I’m kind of worried about him.**

 

**[Iwaizumi]: I am too, honestly. I feel like a huge asshole for doing this, and for letting it go on for so long, but I really don’t want to stop being his friend. I'm not sure what I should do.**

 

**[Matsukawa]: have you contacted him? Gone back to the apartment?**

 

**[Iwaizumi]: I don’t think he wants to see me**

 

**[Matsukawa]: you know how he is, I’m pretty sure he wants to see you. I’m positive he wants some kind of closure. Plus, you’ll have to see him at some point. You guys are still married.**

 

**[Iwaizumi]: I know, but I got an email already. He works fast, so I’m pretty sure the whole marriage mess will be taken care of soon.**

 

**[Oikawa]: ok I love you both but you’re both idiots. I hope you know this is the group chat, and if Makki looks at his phone, he’ll see these messages.**

 

Hanamaki leaves the conversation before they can say anything else. Setting his phone to the side, he waits for a moment to see if any of them text him. He’s surprised when no messages flash on to his screen. 

  
Burying his face into his hands, Hanamaki holds back a pathetic sob. He honestly doesn’t even know what to do anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello in case you wanna know I've changed tumblrs I'm now @seijouho


	5. The last day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo this is when the tags come into play so beware ok 
> 
> Also I'm leaving this Thursday (the 14th) and I won't be back till the 22nd or 23rd ; ;
> 
> So I won't update till I get back (sorry) maybe not even then because that's when seijoh4week is and I'm participating in it lmao 
> 
> Also shout out to my senpai @zyaku bc I promised I would and they deserves a shout out /o/

A whole week went by. 

 

No messages, no emails, nothing on social media- just. Nothing. No one came by. No one called. It’s as if everyone forgot he existed. Either that, or they don’t care that he’s practically destroying himself. 

 

It’s not that he means to. He just forgets to eat. He doesn’t sleep well, either. This past week, he probably has gotten a total of ten hours of shut eye. He does take care of himself in the sense that he’ll drink water once a day, and he takes a shower every night. The spray of the water calms him, and it helps distract him from everything wrong with his life at the moment. 

 

Fourteen days. It’s been _fourteen days_ since it happened. He’s emailed his lawyer, set up everything, gotten things signed. Everything is in order. But-...it doesn’t help with the emptiness he feels. _Nothing_ he’s done has helped with that. 

 

Maybe he should leave the apartment, take some time for himself. Go out drinking, go and distract himself completely. He hasn’t left this place since the day he went to Oikawa’s. 

 

Shaking his head, Hanamaki makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes. Grabbing his wallet and key, he glances at his phone. Is there even a reason to bring it? He shrugs, grabbing the device and slipping it into his pocket. He then grabs his jacket, opening the door. 

 

Closing the door behind him, he runs a hand through his messy hair, making his way outside.

 

He deserves a night to himself. 

 

* * *

 

Going to a bar alone is weird, Hanamaki decides. He’s that awkward guy sitting alone at the bar, trying to drown his sorrows in liquor. Sadly, he can hold his liquor pretty well, so he’s still pretty sober. He can feel the pity glances thrown his way. Every group of friends that come in together is like a stab to the heart. Listening to them laugh and have a good time...he hates it. A lot. He should probably leave, yeah, but where else can he go?

 

Right as he thinks that, an idea pops into his head. Standing up, he slaps some money on the counter, nodding a thank you to the bar tender. He then turns on his heel, making his way out of the bar. 

 

The chilly night air surrounds him as he steps out, causing him to shiver slightly. Hugging his jacket tighter around him, Hanamaki makes his way down the street. 

 

He still has Iwaizumi’s card. If he’s lucky, Iwaizumi has forgotten, and thus hasn’t changed his pin number. 

 

And he’s going to take full advantage of this. Iwaizumi owes him  _ something  _ so this is a start. Plus, he won’t just go wild with it. He’s just going to buy something important. 

 

That’s how he finds himself in a bakery, buying two dozen cream puffs. Luckily, the card works, and he decides that maybe he should treat himself to dinner as well. So, he goes and buys himself some ramen. 

 

After buying his food, he plops himself down on a park bench, gazing out at the field in front of him. Not many people are out at this time, but there are some. A woman runs by, out jogging with her dog. A small family of three walks by with crepes in their hands, smiles on their faces. 

 

He distracts himself from thoughts of how that could’ve been him one day with Iwaizumi by stuffing noodles into his mouth. 

 

Setting the now empty bowl of ramen aside, Hanamaki pulls the packages of cream puffs into his lap. He’ll need to eat all of them now, if he’s going to go through with the rest of his plans for the night. After he finishes off half of them, he wrinkles his nose. 

 

Everything is boring when you’re alone. It’s something he’s learned these past fourteen days. Watching movies is nice when you’re alone, but after ten movies one starts to wish someone else was there. He isn’t used to sleeping alone, either. There used to always be a warm body beside him, reaching over his shoulder, shoulders bumping when they walk, hands tangled together. But now…

 

Now he’s completely alone. 

 

Oikawa won’t reach out to him. Matsukawa won’t, either. By now the old team should know, but they, too, have done nothing. He doesn’t blame them, though, since they haven't done anything wrong. 

 

His own parents haven’t contacted him, either. None of his family. After his mom sent that one message, she hasn’t reached out since. It’s lonely, really, and Hanamaki doesn’t even care anymore. 

 

He should, but he doesn’t. Because if he’s being honest, he just wants his friends back. He doesn’t even care that Iwaizumi likes- loves?- Oikawa. He just...wants an apology for being lied to. From both of them. Hanamaki really does care about Iwaizumi, and if Oikawa is the one who’ll make him happy, then who is he to stand in the way? 

 

He’s been standing in the way for years and he never realized. 

 

Biting into another creampuff, Hanamaki sighs. Matsukawa  _ is  _ his best friend. He thought keeping the information secret would be better for Hanamaki (it wasn’t, but whatever), so he didn’t really think he was doing anything wrong. Hanamaki already forgave him a week ago, because he can’t stay mad at his friends for too long. 

 

He’ll be bitter and angry and depressed for a long time, yes, but that’s to be expected. No one can expect him to be okay magically. The fact of the matter is that Iwaizumi- no, all of them- hurt him. And he just...wants an apology. Face to face. 

 

Is that too much to ask for? Apparently so. 

 

After finishing off the last cream puff, Hanamaki jumps to his feet. He gathers his trash, tossing it away into a nearby trash can, and then makes his way out of the park. He takes the route towards his apartment, stuffing his hands into his jacket. 

 

He passes by the highway, which is usually busy during the day, but less-so at night. In the distance, he watches as a truck makes it way down the road quickly. 

 

And that’s when the last part of his plan comes into play. He quickly pulls out his phone, making a group chat with Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Matsukawa. He types out a quick message, watching as the car gets closer. He swiftly hits send, placing his phone back into his pocket. 

 

It’s not like it even matters, really. It’s not like  _ he  _ even matters. He spent his last day pretty well, all for himself. 

 

Stepping out into the road, he narrows his eyes. He could make it look like an accident, but the message he sent would cancel that out. It’s obvious what he’s doing. 

  
He steps into the car's path, closing his eyes. 

 

**[Hanamaki]: I forgive you guys.**  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new tumblr is seijouho


	6. A Failed Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation yay c: 
> 
> I'm glad that I am able to update my fics again

He can hear voices. And he knows those voices- he'd know them anywhere. The problem is, he doesn't want to hear anything from them at the moment. He knows what's going to happen. They'll stutter out apologizes right away and...and he doesn't want that. At all. They'll only be apologizing because he almost died. They should've apologized earlier- or, if not apologize, at least reached out to him.   
  
He just wants to sit here in peace. At least for a little bit.    
  
He also wants to open his eyes, but they're too heavy. He just wants to sleep and sleep and _sleep_ and block out the voices in the room. He's not sure how he got here- here being the hospital, because he knows that's where he is. He's not an idiot.    
  
He's not sure how he's alive. He wishes he _wasn't_.    
  
"Takahiro," a wobbly voice reaches his ears, and he wants to reply but his throat is so dry. Wants to open his eyes to show whoever it is that he's listening, but his eyes are _so goddamn heavy._ __  
  
"I know you're going to think I'm an asshole for doing this, but, well," the voice trails off, a nervous chuckle escaping their lips. He feels a warm hand squeeze his own cold one. "I'm sorry, and I know it's shitty to do this now, especially since I didn't apologize sooner and I kind of ignored you and didn't reach out when I should've...but, please, if you can hear me, I want you to know that I'm serious. I'm sorry. And, um, I owe you an explanation for why I didn't tell you,...but I'll save that for when you wake up...so, uh, please wake up soon."    
  
With that, the warm hand leaves, and the room is silent again. 

 

* * *

  
  
Hanamaki's eyes fly open that night. He gasps as he sits straight up in the hospital bed, placing a hand to his chest.    
  


* * *

  
He learns that morning that he's lucky. No concussion. He has stitches in his left  arm from where he fell to his side. Apparently the car didn't go completely over him. The person hit him with the front of their car, stopping when he went collapsing to the ground, head hitting the road. Apparently the man driving had enough sense to know when he has hit something that wasn't an animal, and he had quickly called the ambulance.    
  
He also has staples in his head, where he had hit the road. Looking down at his body, he finds bruises littering his legs and small scratches painting his arms. His left side has a deeper scratch that will probably scar, but it’s not bad enough for stitches. 

 

The doctors tell him over and over again how lucky he is.

 

They tell him how he’ll have to go to therapy, how it’s for the best, how they have medication for his depression. Is he depressed? He’s not sure, but the doctors seem sure of themselves.

 

So he nods, smile on his face, when in reality he wishes he could sink into the bed, through the floor, all the way down into the core of the Earth so he could burn up and actually die. 

 

* * *

 

He’s staring out the window when the door is pushed open. He doesn’t bother looking, because he’s pretty sure the dragonfly outside his window is more interesting than some nurse coming to check up on him. He watches as the dragonfly hits the window a couple times before flying off, and that’s when he finally tilts his head towards the door. 

 

Green eyes full of guilt look right at him, and he feels himself tense up. He knows he wanted to see him- see all of them- so they can patch things up- but- he just-

 

Didn’t think any of them would actually show up.

 

“Iwaizumi.” he nods, turning his gaze back to the window. 

 

From the corner of his eye, he watches as Iwaizumi shuffles over to the chair by his bed, quietly sitting down. He’s suddenly brought back to when they first started dating, and Iwaizumi had come down with a nasty illness, resulting in him being sent to the hospital when it got too bad. He remembers walking in and sitting exactly where Iwaizumi is now, worry evident in his gaze as he had watched over Iwaizumi. 

 

He remembers Iwaizumi, smiling and thanking him for coming, not completely aware of his surroundings. 

 

_ “Thanks, trashykawa. I can always count on you for coming.”  _

 

Hanamaki chuckles at the memory, because now that he thinks back on it,  _ everything _  is all so clear. That day he had shrugged it off, not bothering to correct him, not bothering to tell Iwaizumi that  it was him and not Oikawa. He just thought it was because they were best friends and have been since they were young children, thought that he just assumed it was Oikawa because of course Oikawa would visit. 

 

Hanamaki really is stupid, isn’t it?   
  


“Um,” Iwaizumi clears his throat, “what’s, um,..why are you laughing?”

 

“Because I realize now how much of a failure I am,” he blurts out, not bothering to feel shame for saying the first thing that comes to mind. 

 

“Wha-”

 

“I failed to realize that you never had true feelings for me,” he says, turning to look at Iwaizumi. He doesn’t miss the way Iwaizumi flinches, looking away with guilt. “I failed to realize your feelings for Oikawa, or Oikawa’s feelings for you. I’m sorry, by the way, for getting in the way of that,” he smiles, watching as shock crosses across Iwaizumi’s face. 

 

Before he can speak up, Hanamaki continues. 

 

“I failed to die, as well. Everything I do results in failure, it seems.”

 

He falls silent after that, smiling as if everything is okay. 

 

“H-Hanamaki…” Iwaizumi chokes out, gripping the fabric of his jeans, “I’m...no, first of all, _don’t_ be sorry, okay? Honestly, you’re the only one  _ not  _ at fault here. Second, um...I’m so-”

 

“I already forgave you, dumbass,” Hanamaki says, gazing back out towards the window. He should be mad, and he thinks he is. Really, he can’t tell. All he really feels is...well, tired. 

 

Iwaizumi stands up, looking down at his feet, “I was worried, you know? When they called me, I...I knew what you were doing. Purposefully trying to, um…” he trails off, rubbing the back of his neck, “I freaked out.  I never meant for, well, this to happen. I understand if you hate me, I deserve to be hated, and, uh, I feel shitty, honestly. I should’ve never lied, I should’ve never pretended, and I should’ve never tried to replace Oikawa with you. That...that wasn’t fair to you. I’m...I really…”

 

“I know, Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki sighs, rolling his eyes, “and I don’t hate you. If anything, I kind of really just want my friends back.”

 

He doesn’t miss the way Iwaizumi’s shoulders sag in relief, a soft smile spreading across his face. 

 

* * *

 

Oikawa comes in next. When his eyes land on Hanamaki, a strangled sob escapes his lips as he throws himself at his friend, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Oikawa says sorry over and over again until Hanamaki laughs, causing him to freeze in surprise. 

 

“I already forgave you, didn’t I?”

 

This only makes Oikawa break down into new violent sobs. 

 

* * *

 

Matsukawa is next, smiling sheepishly. He doesn’t bother saying sorry since he had already done so when Hanamaki was still out- plus, his warm arms around Hanamaki’s shoulders is good enough. 

 

They talk, and it’s normal; everything Hanamaki has missed. When a nurse walks in to inform them that visiting hours are almost over, Matsukawa hesitates, obviously wanting to say something.

 

“Spit it out,” Hanamaki says, folding his arms in his lap as he waits patiently. 

 

“I know I should’ve told you,” Hanamaki raises an eyebrow, “but I didn’t because I wanted you to be happy.”

 

“I think it would’ve been better if you had told me earlier,” Hanamaki smiles gently, “but I understand.”

 

“That’s...not all.”

 

Hanamaki frowns in confusion. 

 

“I told Oikawa to tell Iwaizumi his feelings. I-...I put the responsibility on him because I didn’t want to see you so broken, and…” Matsukawa nervously laughs, taking a step towards the door as the time ticks.

 

“I’m in love with you.”

 

Hanamaki’s eyes grow wide, and suddenly the room feels all too stuffy. “Wha-? Mattsun?”

 

“Ah, I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  
And then he’s gone, leaving Hanamaki to stare at the door in pure shock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too bad??


	7. Back Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost finished...wht...I may cry I actually like this fic...there's only one...maybe two? more chapters :c
> 
> Also imagine if Oikawa and Matsukawa changed roles in this story. Like, Makki's best friend and the person he loves? Lmao it would be so much more angstier.

Hanamaki sits there the whole night, Matsukawa’s words replaying like some broken record. Many questions run through his mind. 

 

How long? Why didn’t he notice? Will Matsukawa ignore him again, now that he knows? 

 

Biting down anxiously on his lip, Hanamaki reaches out to grab his phone on the night stand. He has to make sure he doesn’t lose his friend again. 

 

**[Hanamaki]: Mattsun?**

 

He stares at the screen, watching as time slowly ticks. Matsukawa may be asleep, seeing as how it’s four in the morning. He doesn’t expect an answer, but...but...he  _ needs  _ an answer. 

 

Looking at the other two people he could contact, he scowls. He may forgive them, he may be friends with them still, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to open up to them again. That doesn’t mean he _trusts_ them again. 

 

So he texts someone he hasn’t spoken to since the wedding. 

 

**[Hanamaki]: Hey, Watari? You up?**

 

**[Watari]: Yo Hanamaki-san! Yeah I am. Shigeru & Ken wanted to have some movie marathon tonight so we’ve been up for awhile. **

 

Hanamaki smiles in relief. Good, he didn’t wake him up. 

 

**[Hanamaki]: Can I ask you something?**

 

**[Watari]: Sure, go ahead.**

 

**[Hanamaki]: Okay, well, you may not know what’s been going on? I’m not sure. So, long story short, Iwaizumi and I are not married anymore and are working on a divorce. I’m in the hospital for...reasons that don’t need to be explained. And, uh..weeelll, Matsukawa told me he’s in love with me.**

 

**[Watari]: Oh wow. Dude, im sorry im not sure exactly what to say?**

 

**[Hanamaki]: It’s fine, it’s all being resolved.**

 

**[Watari]: So what’s ur question?**

 

**[Hanamaki]: Was it obvious? Mattsun’s feelings for me? Also, how do I make sure this doesn’t change things between us? What if he starts avoiding me?**

 

**[Watari]: It was pretty obvious tbh just like you pining after Iwaizumi for a whole year. And I don’t think things will change, if im being honest? Matsukawa is a nice person and I think he’d do anything to make sure you’re happy**

 

Hanamaki really wants to comment on that, but instead he sighs, closing his eyes. Matsukawa always  _ did  _ look out for him, though, didn’t he? He always did things if he thought they’d help. Just...they didn’t always help…

 

**[Hanamaki]: alright, thanks man.**

 

**[Watari]: any time, m’pal. Gtg tho Shigeru is whining about phone usage during date nights**

 

**[Hanamaki]: yeah, okay. Have fun (but not too much fun)**

 

**[Watari]: u can’t tell me how to live my life**

 

Hanamaki chuckles, smiling down at his phone. Watari’s a good kid. Setting his phone aside, he sinks into the pillows. 

 

He’d just have to wait to see if Matsukawa shows up tomorrow. 

 

* * *

 

“Rise and shine!” a bright light fills the room as Oikawa throws the curtains open. With a groan, Hanamaki sits up in the bed. 

 

“God _fucking_ \- it’s eight in the morning,” he sighs, glaring at the two intruders. He got less than four hours of sleep, and a Hanamaki sleep deprived is something no one likes to come into contact with. 

 

“Yeah, but we have a long day ahead of us!”

 

Hanamaki raises an eyebrow. 

 

“You’re being discharged,” Iwaizumi says, causing Hanamaki to sigh. “Also, they say you need to see a therapist. And, don’t worry, I’m going to be paying for it for you.”

 

Hanamaki stares at Iwaizumi, blinking slowly. He doesn’t know exactly why he suddenly feels beyond pissed off. 

 

“No,” he says carefully, furrowing his eyebrows together, “I appreciate it, but no. I don’t need you to do any favors for me.”

 

“I-It’s  _ not  _ a favor, I just-”

 

“Please, I don’t care. I rather pay for it myself.”

 

Iwaizumi opens his mouth to argue, only to close it right after, “um, okay. If you’re sure. Do you, uh, want to go alone? To therapy?” 

 

Hanamaki twists the thought in his head, frowning ever so slightly. If he’s being honest, no, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to go to therapy at all. He wants to stay home and curl up and-

 

“I don’t,” he confesses, and before Iwaizumi or Oikawa can volunteer themselves, he continues. “But not with you two. No offense, really, but I think it’s better if I don’t go with you guys.” 

 

“I can go with you.”

 

Hanamaki’s eyes grow wide, quickly looking towards the door. He stares at Matsukawa, mouth gaping slightly as he just sits there in shock. He really wasn’t expecting him to show up at all. 

 

Clearing his throat, Hanamaki looks away, ignoring the curious look Oikawa is giving him, “R-really? You will?”

 

“If you’ll let me,” Matsukawa mumbles, awkwardly stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

 

Hanamaki tilts his head to the side, smiling softly. He’s glad things don’t need to be weird. 

 

“I’d love it if you came with me.” 

 

* * *

 

Hanamaki sits in the car awkwardly, playing with his fingers. This used to be the car that him and Iwaizumi would drive in together. They’d go to dates using this car, go to meetups with the others in this car, go to the store in this car-

 

Shaking his head, he looks out the window. Oikawa has taken his spot in the front, so now he’s in the back. 

 

Not that he minds, though. He’s not sure if he could sit up there without breaking down into tears. It’s something so small- because this is a  _ car _ \- but it holds a lot of memories. 

 

“Makki?” he looks away from the window, raising an eyebrow towards Matsukawa. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, not meeting Hanamaki’s gaze. 

 

He notices both Oikawa and Iwaizumi have now stopped talking, the only sound now being the shitty music Oikawa put on. 

 

“You already apologized,” he mumbles, hoping only Matsukawa could hear him. 

 

“No,” Matsukawa says, clearing his throat, “I’m sorry for what I said last night.”

 

Hanamaki tenses up, glancing at the front. Oikawa and Iwaizumi are wearing matching looks of confusion. Tearing his eyes away from those two, he sighs. 

 

“You have no reason to be sorry, Mattsun. You did nothing wrong.”

 

“I shouldn’t of told yo-”

 

“I’m glad you did,” Hanamaki blurts out, surprising himself. Matsukawa looks surprised as well. Iwaizumi and Oikawa still look confused. Lowering his voice, he smiles at Matsukawa. “I’m glad you told me,” he repeats, “because now I know you’re not purposefully hiding things from me now.” 

 

Matsukawa goes silent, smiling just a little. He nods his head, looking out his own window. 

 

Hanamaki sighs again, ignores Oikawa’s questioning look, and looks out his own window. 

 

* * *

 

“Your therapy starts in two days,” Iwaizumi says, handing over his key to the apartment. 

 

Taking the key, Hanamaki nods is head, “thanks.”

 

“Uh, also, if you need help paying for the apartment, since I am kind of just bailing here, I can still help pay-”

 

“No,” Hanamaki shakes his head, “I can handle it. But thanks.” 

 

Iwaizumi hesistates, nervously looking around the apartment- the one that they  _ shared  _ for so long- “If there’s anything I can do for you-”

 

“Iwaizumi, please,” Hanamaki sighs, “I forgave you, but everything can’t be normal right away. I want to be your friend, and I want things to go back to how they were,...but it’s going to take time. So, just, please stop trying so hard, okay?”

 

Iwaizumi visibly deflates, nodding his head wordlessly. Without another word, he lifts his hand into a goodbye, stepping out of the apartment. 

 

(This time, there’s no _‘see you after work!’_ There’s no _“I’ll see if we can meet up for lunch.”_   There's no _'I love you'_ thrown over the shoulder. It’s just...silent.) 

 

Hanamaki watches the door slam shut, closing his eyes. 

  
The silence that suddenly envelopes the room is suffocating. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All By Myself plays in the background


	8. Starting Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happpyyyyyyy with how this turned out tbh  
> like I can't believe I actually even finished this  
> But I'm glad I did

A year went by in the blink of an eye. 

 

Hanamaki isn’t sure when the days started blurring together, but one day he’s stuck in a dark corner, a rain cloud over his head as he gazes out to the real world. Then the next day, there’s a figure grabbing his wrist, smirk on their face as he hands him a cup of coffee and some pastry from the bakery down the street. The cloud and darkness don’t go away, not at first. If anything, the rain cloud finally gives way.

 

But instead of rain, it’s his thoughts. They surround him, whispering everything that’s wrong with him in his ear. He shakes them away, sometimes it works, but sometimes they come back twice as hard. 

 

It hurts. A lot. 

 

But then by the fifth month, the man with the shitty store bought coffee ambles in, and suddenly his presence is like the sun. He’s not exactly sure  _ when  _ he became the sun, but he did. With a smile and a nod, the rain stays at bay. 

 

He  doesn’t feel the rain for months on end after that break through. 

 

By the ninth month, he feels the tug of a real smile on his lips. He clutches his stomach, stumbling back as his body shakes with laughter. He laughs so loud, so wild like, but he hasn’t felt this good in _so long_. 

 

And the sun stares at him with a perplexed expression, as if in awe that he’s laughing. In awe that he’s expressing  _ true  _ happiness. 

 

“What?” Hanamaki asks, smiling as he finally gets his laughter under control, grinning up at the thing that’s kept him alive these past few months. 

 

“Nothing,” Matsukawa says, poking his forehead, “I’m just glad you’re happy.”

 

And that was the day the rain cloud disappeared, retiring as it realizes it has nothing against the sun. 

 

* * *

 

By month eleven, he’s better. Not perfect, but better. The rain cloud still comes back on his bad days, but he doesn’t let it stay for long. He drinks shitty store bought coffee before every therapy session, drowns his pills with the bitter taste, and gets rid of the disgusting taste of medicine with his pastry. 

 

He even goes out alone now. He’d be lying if he didn’t still feel like shit, but he’s working on it. He’s getting better at smiling, getting better at relaxing, getting better with, well,  _ everything.  _

 

The day before the twelfth month hits, he gets a call. 

 

He kind of expects it, really. He couldn’t hide from them forever. So with a tight smile and a beating heart, he finally steps up to the two who hurt him most. He enters the small cafe with Matsukawa by his side, nervously playing with his fingers. 

 

Iwaizumi looks normal. His hair is a little longer, and he looks a little tired, but normal. Oikawa, too. His bangs are longer, nearly covering his eyes. But his smile is the same; so bright that Hanamaki has to look away. 

 

He slides into the spot across from Oikawa, not yet trusting himself to fully look Iwaizumi in the eye. He’s still friends with them, of course he is. Just...he hasn’t seen them since he started therapy. Matsukawa kept him updated, and he messaged them regularly, but he hasn’t actually talked face to face in  _ months _ . 

 

It’s awkward at first. Hanamaki was positive this was the last step to getting better. Face his fears, headbutt his problems and throw them out the window. 

 

He thanks everything in existence for Matsukawa. He grins, looks right at Iwaizumi, 

 

“So, is it just me, or have you gotten shorter?”

 

And everything is normal. Oikawa laughs, Iwaizumi sputters in surprise. 

 

“Yeah, you look pocket size now.” Hanamaki says, sipping the water that the waiter had brought over. 

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi both stare in shock. He’s scared, nervous,  _ terrified  _ that they were going to comment, going to say  _ something _ about him. He’s trying his best, he’s getting normal, and they see that, he _ knows  _ they do. He just doesn’t want them to ask about it, he doesn’t want them to be shocked when he acts like himself-

 

Then Oikawa laughs, thumping Iwaizumi on the back as he joins in on the joking. 

 

And it’s normal. 

 

* * *

 

“So, your last day is tomorrow.”

 

Hanamaki hums, tilting his head to the side. “It’s only the last day of therapy.” 

 

Matsukawa raises an eyebrow. 

 

“It doesn’t have to be the last day for…” He trails off, furrowing his eyebrows together. “For us, so to say. It doesn’t have to be the last day for you coming over, doesn’t need to be the last day for the shitty coffee you bring,..it’s just the last day of therapy.” 

 

Matsukawa smiles fondly, nodding his head. “This never has to end, you know.”

 

Hanamaki tilts his head forward, bringing the mug in his hands up to his lips, taking a thoughtful sip. They never talked about Matsukawa’s confession. He had told his friend that it was too much, that he needed time, that...he needed everything to be simple. He needed to heal.

 

Matsukawa smiled, nodded his head, and understood completely. They never brought it up after that. 

 

Hanamaki actually thought about it a lot, really. He never gave Matsukawa an answer, but...he never rejected him either. 

 

He had just needed time. And it wouldn’t be fair to date Matsukawa if he was still hung up on Iwaizumi. 

 

“Hmm,” Hanamaki hums, smile on his lips, “I suppose it doesn’t.”

 

* * *

 

The train ride to his last session is silent. 

 

There’s not too many people on there so early in the morning, so they both take advantage of the peace. Hanamaki finds that his favorite thing is to lift his eyes, looking up out the window to gaze at the birds flying by. 

 

It’s bright, early, and quiet. 

 

“So,” Matsukawa clears his throat, breaking the atmosphere. But Hanamaki finds that the low rumble of his voice just adds to the peace. “Do you think...that you’ll be okay now?”

 

Hanamaki turns his gaze from the window to Matsukawa, frowning slightly. He turns the question over several times in his head before breaking out into a huge smile. 

  
Reaching out over the small space in between them, Hanamaki gently tangles their fingers together. “With you by my side, I think I will be.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly if you've stuck with this story then...thank you. A lot. I hope I didn't disappoint too much with that ending? But I literally had that ending planned out since the beginning.  
> So yay /o/
> 
> Tumblr: Seijouho

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, again. 
> 
> Tumblr: Pigeon-Religeon


End file.
